The Ugly Spatula
Or, the things we keep, with a side of pancakes.
It’s ugly, broken and generic. The burgundy-colored, rectangle of heatproof plastic is torn on one side and a stainless steel handle is scratched and worn. I can’t find any evidence of a name brand anywhere, so any hope of replacement is futile. The other day I googled ugly burgundy spatula, and while it received 1.9 million (MILLION) results, of the several dozen I scrolled through, none were it.
It is timeless in its ugliness. Like it could’ve been purchased from a 1960s Tupperware party or maybe from a minimalist housewares shop in the village. Or even perhaps from a Pampered Chef party in the early aughts, where the host peddles kitchen gadgets while cooking a chicken in the microwave, in a microwavable baking dish, selling both the dish and the microwaved chicken as the future, and then further sealing the deal by serving a microwaved chocolate cake for dessert—equal parts fascinating and terrifying, not to mention extremely chewy.
This spatula reminds me of the random, beloved kitchen items that have stayed in my mother’s kitchen for years, surviving more than a few moves and several updates of cookware and utensils. Rubber-lidded Tupperware gave way to hunter green, farmhouse-inspired printed loaf pans that stepped aside for nonstick Rachel Ray pans with orange handles and so on.
Regardless of the cooking era, I know I can go to her house find a Tupperware lid, a hunter green baking dish, and my favorite wooden-handled spoon—perfect for cereal—all of them proudly standing the test of time and edits.
The point is that this hideous thing has taken up residence in our house, from where and how long, who’s to say. What I do know is that when I ask where’s the spatula, the kids immediately know which one I’m talking about and immediately and accurately understand that they’re about to get pancakes. (This is the pancake spatula after all, and if you enjoy cooking just a little bit, you understand that certain tools will have certain jobs and they can never be promoted out of that job or fill in for another utensil that called out sick goes missing. At least not without the boss (me) grumbling that the substitute utensil could NEVER do the job of the full-time utensil and nothing will turn out right until the sick missing utensil returns to work the kitchen.)
I’ve had this spatula as a newlywed, as a new mom before pancakes were a thing, and now with four kids, when pancakes are really a thing. There are mornings I get woken up by a two year old whispering cakes in my ear and off to the kitchen we trek, ready to negotiate whether or not the pancakes will include chocolate chips, or bananas, or nothing, or back to chocolate chips. Every negotiation seems to end with chocolate chips.
Today while searching for a replacement, it occurred to me that maybe this will be the random relic that my kids find in my kitchen and instantly equate with mom’s house and memories. Maybe they’ll tell their kids about pancake mornings and chocolate chips and loud kitchens and hurry, 20 minutes until the bus. And even if I find a suitable, similar and less ugly option, maybe I’ll tuck old faithful away as a backup, just in case.
A Utensil of Breakfasts Past, if you will.
And I will.
And now….a recipe:
ANYTIME PANCAKES
Serves 4 hungry children with enough leftover for a parent’s plate…about 12 pancakes
I have made this recipe, which is a result of many trials and errors, countless times.
So many, in fact, that not only do I have it memorized, but so do at least two children.
“You forgot the butter at the end!” Hopefully you’ll use it just as much.
Easy, quick and unfussy enough to make it more than just a weekend breakfast.
INGREDIENTS
2 c. all-purpose flour
Pinch of salt
3 Tbsp. sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
2 eggs
1 1/2 c. milk
1 tsp. vanilla extract
2 Tbsp. melted butter or oil of your choosing
Any mix-ins you prefer
DIRECTIONS
Whisk together dry ingredients
Make a well in the center and add eggs, milk and vanilla. Stir until just incorporated—a few lumps are fine. Overmixing will yield tougher pancakes, so less is more.
Stir in the butter or oil, until just combined.
Fold in any chocolate chips, berries or other mix-ins (sprinkles are fun for birthdays or holidays!)
In a preheated, lightly greased pan, pour batter in 1/3 c. portions per pancake. Cook on medium low heat until bubbles form, flip and cook 1-2 minutes longer on other side until lightly golden.
Bon Appétit!